


im sorry i love you

by odetodun



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, One Sided Love, im sorry in advance, like pure angst, there is no fluff in this at all, this is really fucking sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 12:58:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12795075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odetodun/pseuds/odetodun
Summary: a list of seven times richie tozier experiences heartbreak.





	im sorry i love you

**1.**  
The first time Richie Tozier gets his heart broken he’s sixteen. At sixteen, Richie figures out he likes boys - as well as girls - or likes a boy in particular. Richie is hopelessly in love with Eddie. Eddie had come out to the losers a whole year before, but Richie was finally ready to tell Eddie about his sexuality. And he was going to do it that night.  
Eddie’s window was cracked open as usual, Richie climbed in with shaky hands to be greeted with a grinning Eddie.

“I have something to tell you” they both say in unison. Richie frowns, allowing Eddie to go first.

“Okay, please don’t make a big deal out this but there’s this boy,” Richie feels his heart flutter at Eddie’s words, “his names Tom. We’re sort of seeing each other”. Eddie looked so damn happy in that moment, chocolate brown eyes twinkling. In that moment, Richie finally understood the physical pain of heartbreak. Everything in his body hurt. His usual motor mouth had stopped functioning, until Eddie started to look worried and Richie slapped on one his winning smiles.

“Eds! That’s fucking great- I’m so happy for ya!” Richie enthused, pulling Eddie in for a hug. Richie bit away tears, he was too late. He was always too late.

“What did you have to tell me?” Eddie looked up at him, Richie shook his head.

“It’s nothing important Eddie Spaghetti, tell me more about Tom” Richie sat on his bed, pretending his heart wasn’t currently falling apart.

 

 **2.**  
Richie glared at the school lunch as Eddie giggled at something Tom said. Fucking Tom. Richie pushed his tray away from him, picking at his loose thumbnail.

“Eds, are you coming over mine tonight?” Richie’s head snapped up at the nickname, even the other losers were staring at the pair.

“Of course I am” Eddie grinned, kissing Tom’s cheek. There was no comment like ‘Don’t call me that’ or ‘I hate that nickname’. Feeling the bile rise in his throat, Richie ran out of the cafeteria. Closely followed by Stan who held him as he cried on the bathroom floor.

 

 **3.**  
Richie was leaving for college the next day. He’d said his goodbyes to everyone, he had one person left. Eddie was thankfully alone when Richie turned up, which was a rare occurrence nowadays. Much like Richie and Eddie in their young years, Eddie was attached at the hip with Tom for the last two years. This ruined Richie more and more everyday.

“Rich? What are you doing here?” Eddie asked, standing up from his bed and making his way over to Eddie.

“I have to tell you- even if we never see each other again I have to fucking tell you” Richie whispered, staring at his frets

“Tell me what? Richie, are you okay?” Eddie’s small hand curled around Richie’s thin wrist. Richie looked up at him, Eddie had always been so beautiful. Gorgeous brown curls, eyes like a dream and plump pink lips Richie often thought of. Freckles covering the bridge of his nose like a personal constellation. Eddie was so fucking beautiful and it tore him apart.

“I love you Eddie, I always have. But you’re happy, you’re so happy with Tom and that’s all I could ever want. I think I’ll probably love you forever” Richie finally spat out, eyes leaving Eddie’s face. The touch around his wrist was suddenly absent, Richie wouldn’t fucking cry.

“Oh Rich- I’m sorry but you know I don’t- I mean I love you, just not like that” Eddie sounded awkward, Richie felt every cell in his body shrivel.

“I know. I think I just needed to tell you before I left” Richie steadied his voice before turning back to the window.

“Goodbye Eddie” Richie said, taking one last lingering look at the boy he loved before disappearing.

 

 **4.**  
Richie arrived in the lobby, dragging his meagre suitcase along with him.

“I’m here for the Hanscom and Marsh wedding” Richie told the receptionist, she passed a room key and told him the directions in which to go.

“Richie fucking Tozier!” Bev appeared in front of him, wrapping him up in her arms instantly.

“Hello gorgeous” he cooed, hugging her tightly.

“Guess whose getting fucking married?” Bev grinned, her green eyes twinkling.

“Hmm I don’t fucking know Beverly. Maybe the same girl that’s called me every night for the past month about wedding plans” he smirked and she flipped him off.

“Rich!” Ben greeted him with a similar hug, Richie had missed his friends.  
Bill and Stan arrived together, hands laced. Richie’s fucking heart actually swelled with pride at the pair of them. Mike was next, with his gorgeous girlfriend Lacey. Richie started to see a pattern, but wouldn’t be the one to comment on it. Then Richie heard a familiar voice.

“So where are the happy couple?” He froze momentarily, it had been four longs years since he’d heard that voice. Richie turned around, regretting it instantly. There was Eddie, glasses perched on his nose where Richie ditched his. He was still just as beautiful. But Richie’s eyes pulled towards his left hand, that was intertwined with Tom’s. Richie felt his heart shatter, but he plastered on a Tozier smile - which was faltering as time went on - and hovered close to Stan.

 

 **5.**  
Richie got a phonecall at two pm from an unknown number.

“Richard Tozier speaking” he said down the line, balancing his phone between his shoulder and his ear as he cooked.

“Hi! It’s Eddie” Richie almost let the phone drop with shock. Richie hadn’t heard from Eddie since Bev and Ben’s wedding and that was three years ago.

“I sent an official invite to you in the post but I wanted you to know me and Tom are getting married” Eddie sounded so fucking excited, Richie moved away from the stove quickly. Backing against a wall and sliding down it numbly, Richie stared ahead for what felt like hours.

“Richie?” Eddie squeaked, tipping Richie from his thoughts.

“Congratulations Eddie” Richie didn’t feign excitement or pride, he knew his voice sounded stagnant but he didn’t care. He had spent twenty four years of his life pretending to be something he wasn’t and it never got him fucking anywhere. It left him bitter and lonely.

“Uh- thank you. So I guess you’ll get the invite” Eddie was quiet, Richie pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I’ll be there” then Richie hung up. Throwing his phone across the kitchen he heard a loud crack, but he didn’t care. He has enough money to replace it anyway. That’s all Richie Tozier had now, money. He was a sad fucking man, but he was surrounded by drugs and money and people. Richie Tozier was no longer trashmouth, or Rich. He was Records. And that persona was the one he’d keep.

 

 **6.**  
Richie went to Eddie’s wedding, despite everything in him self screaming that he shouldn’t. He next to to Bev, who was wiping away tears of joy. She looked at Richie, offering him a tissue. Richie wiped away his tears, not of joy but of heartbreak. He watched as Tom slipped a sliver band on Eddie’s finger, and the adoration that took over Eddie’s expression as he did so. Richie watched as they kissed and become husbands. Richie watched as Eddie walked back down the isle with a smile so wide it lit the room. Richie let himself cry this time.

“... and I will forever hold you in my heart Eddie Davidson. I get to call you that now” Tom grinned, Richie clutched the champagne glass so tightly it could probably shatter.

“To Mr and Mr Davidson” every chorused, Richie raised his glass and chugged the whole thing.

“I’m going for a smoke” Richie stood up as the conversation started to flow around him, making his way to the balcony. Richie stared out at the New York skyline, this is where Eddie called home. Richie didn’t have a home. He had a house, a place to live. He’d never had a fucking home.

 

 **7.**  
Richie drops to his knees in the dirty water, panicked cries falling from his lips.

“Eds please- you’re okay. It’s okay” Richie held him close, feeling the wetness seep into his shirt.

“Richie” Eddie whispered, but it seemed to bounce off of the sewer walls and pierce Richie’s eardrums.

“What?” Richie asked desperately, hands stroking Eddie’s face.

“Don’t call me Eds” he said with a smirk, raising his left hand to touch Richie’s cheek. He felt Richie’s tears on the pads of his fingers.

“You know I... I lo-“ Eddie stopped to think and while he was thinking his eyes fluttered closed and everything around Richie came to an abrupt halt. Richie screamed, the harrowing noise echoing around the dirty sewer. He felt hands trying to grab him but he batted them away, clinging to the only person in his forty year long life he had ever loved.

“Richie baby, we gotta go” he heard Bev say, Richie stared down at the cold lifeless body in front of him.

“I love you so much Eds” he said one last time, kissing his cheek. Richie decided he’d go through all of the heartbreak to have one last moment with Eddie again. This was the worst type of pain, knowing the one you truly loved was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> WOW im sorry im really sad for some reason so this happened i love my boys really


End file.
